


Two Idiots + One Peacock = True Love

by zebraljb



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Apologies, Disobeying Orders, Forgiveness, M/M, angry outburst, chemical reaction, temporary hair loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 04:47:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23629471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zebraljb/pseuds/zebraljb
Summary: Eggsy and Merlin see a way to go outside the parameters of a mission and get a chemical Merlin wishes to investigate.  Harry - as Arthur - puts his foot down but they do it anyway. The results would be comical if Harry wasn't so absolutely furious.
Relationships: Harry Hart | Galahad/Merlin/Gary "Eggsy" Unwin
Comments: 13
Kudos: 54





	Two Idiots + One Peacock = True Love

**Author's Note:**

  * For [killingmeisso2yrsago](https://archiveofourown.org/users/killingmeisso2yrsago/gifts), [Sway](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sway/gifts).



> Happy birthday to my very sweet and kind killingmeisso2yrsago. The world does not deserve you. You asked for a Merhartwin where Harry explodes over something the other two have done and then a bit of reconciliation...I hope this serves the purpose. I must also gift this to Sway, who originally put the idea of Merlin dealing with Eggsy w/o hair into my head.
> 
> Also dedicated to Taron Egerton and the recent events which helped to move this idea along a bit.

“Absolutely not.” Harry slams his fist down on the desk. “Have you both gone mad?”

“C’mon, Harry, in and out in five minutes. Seven at the most.”

“I repeat, absolutely not, and my name is ARTHUR, Agent Galahad.”

“Yes, Arthur,” Eggsy says dutifully. “C’mon, Arthur, in and out in five minutes, seven at the most.”

“Bloody hell.” Harry turns to glare at Merlin. “You just HAD to mention that chemical, didn’t you?”

“He brought it up!” Merlin protested. “I was just sitting here doing my job. Galahad mentioned what he saw in the lab, showed me a picture of the vial. I merely suggested it might be something I could use.”

“A vial. In a lab. A lab that is full of DANGEROUS chemicals, and is also surrounded by armed guards. The mission has nothing to do with the lab OR chemicals. He shouldn’t have been in there in the first place.”

“Arthur, sir, I can go in through the back window, and…”

“This is an order, Galahad. You will leave the premises immediately and complete the mission as planned. Am I understood?”

“Yes, Arthur, sir,” Eggsy says almost sadly.

Harry stands and kisses the top of Merlin’s head. “Bring our boy home safe and sound, Hamish.”

“I always do, Harry.”

Something jolts Harry awake in the middle of the night. He realizes Merlin is sitting up next to him talking to no one. “Yes. Yes, I understand. I can come in. No, of course. I’ll be there as soon as I can.” He taps the side of his glasses. “I need to go to HQ.”

“Why?” Harry rubs at his eyes.

Merlin is already out of bed and pulling on a pair of trousers. “Something’s come up and they need me to take a look.”

“Now?” Harry squints at the clock. “At half-two?”

“Yes. Don’t worry, go back to sleep.” Merlin presses a kiss to the top of Harry’s head. “I will see ye later today.”

“You’re not coming back home?” Harry blinks at him.

“Why should I? Even if this takes an hour, by the time I get home and crawl back into bed, I’ll have to get up again.”

“You could take the day off.”

Merlin actually ruffles Harry’s hair. Bastard. “You’re adorable. I love ye.” Merlin kisses him. “Now get back to sleep. Ye have those meetings all day.”

“Don’t remind me.” Harry falls back down and pulls Merlin’s pillow over his face. “Do me a favor and press down on this?” He mumbles through the pillow. 

He hears Merlin laugh as he leaves the bedroom. 

The rest of the day seems like it takes a week. Arthur does indeed have meetings all day, with members of MI-6, Interpol, the American CIA and NSA, and a few other agencies that don’t have names. Merlin is kind enough to inform him that Eggsy has returned safe and sound but unfortunately Harry doesn’t have a moment to himself to even respond. 

He’s cursing himself for ever agreeing to be Arthur as he finally leaves the conference room that evening. All he wants is to cuddle his boy, to bury his face in the soft hair and hold him close. Eggsy grounds him in more ways than he cares to admit, and it’s getting harder and harder to watch him go out on a mission. He cannot imagine what it’s like for Merlin, who has to create the plans that could send Eggsy to his death and then watch him carry those plans out.

He texts Merlin as he gets onto the bullet train, asking him to order in Chinese takeaway. He has a craving for chicken lo mein and egg drop soup, and he knows Eggsy will always say yes to beef and broccoli. His heart grows lighter the closer the cab gets to the house, and by the time he’s unlocking the door his spirits have risen considerably. The two people he loves most in the world are on the other side of the door.

“I’m home,” he calls as he shuts the door and reboots the security system. He hears murmured voices from the kitchen, phrases like, “I don’t think he’ll hate it” and “it’s unexpected but Harry is usually good with surprises.” Harry smiles to himself. A surprise? How lovely. 

He heads for the kitchen with a bit of a hop to his step, more than ready to hug the young man whose been gone for five days. Eggsy and Merlin are seated at the kitchen table, bags of takeaway between them. “Hello, Harry,” Merlin says politely.

“Hey, Haz,” Eggsy says with a grin.

“Hello, darling boy.” Harry beams at Eggsy as he stands up. He’s in his comfortable home clothes: trakkies, trainers, a hoodie, and a snapback. “So wonderful to have you home.”

“Missed you.” Eggsy darts into Harry’s embrace. 

“Watch…you almost took my eye out.” Harry reaches for the cap. “You know it’s impolite to wear a hat in the house.”

Eggsy claps a hand down on the top of the cap before Harry can remove it. “Yeah, but, uh, this is new…want to break it in.”

“Still.” Harry frowns with disapproval. “I thought you’d learned the basics of etiquette by now, Eggsy.” Eggsy blushes and looks at his feet but the hat stays on.

“Oh, Harry, quit being such a pompous arse,” Merlin says. “Let the boy wear his cap if he wants.”

“I’m not being pompous. I simply feel hats should come off when one steps inside.”

“When’s the last time ye even WORE a hat, Harry? Nineteen eighty?”

“I’d like to see you in a snapback,” Eggsy says eagerly. “Are there photos?”

“NO,” Harry growls. “Remove your hat, darling…please? It’s so much easier for me to hug you that way.”

Merlin and Eggsy exchange looks. “Sure, Harry, okay…let me fix you a drink first though. The usual?” Eggsy starts out of the kitchen, almost stumbling over his own feet in his haste.

“I’ll have one as well, Eggsy,” Merlin says. “Take your time, lad. I’ll unpack our dinner.” Merlin stands and starts poking through bags. “Harry, why don’t ye go up and change clothes? I’m starving.”

“Yeah, me too,” Eggsy calls from the hallway.

“Eggsy, come back here,” Harry says. He hears footsteps stop, then slowly come back toward the kitchen. “You’re avoiding me, and YOU’RE trying to distract me.” Harry points from Eggsy to Merlin. “What’s going on?”

“Don’t be mad,” Eggsy says immediately. “I’m fine.”

“You’re fine. You’re FINE? What happened on your mission? Medical cleared you!” Harry hurries over and rubs his hands over every part of Eggsy he can reach.

“They did clear me, and Merlin did, too. They agreed that I’m unharmed…mostly.”

“Merlin cleared you?” Harry turns to look at Merlin. “Why did you have to clear him?”

“Because I know…chemistry.” Merlin busies himself with boxes of Chinese food. “When Eggsy arrived they felt I should probably be consulted.”

“Which is why you left in the middle of the night,” Harry realizes. “Eggsy, what happened?”

“I love you, remember that, yeah? I love you so much, and I’m fine, and it’s all gonna be good. Eventually.” Eggsy reaches up and slowly removes his snapback.

Harry stares at Eggsy in horror. His beautiful soft hair is completely gone. All Harry sees is smooth pink skin, the light gleaming from the top of Eggsy’s bald head. “My God,” he whispers. “What happened?”

“Harry, it really isn’t…”

“Hamish, do not fuck around with excuses. WHAT HAPPENED?”

“I decided to go back in for the chemical and I got it but when I was climbing out the window the vial opened and some spilled or something and I’m fine but my hair fell out,” Eggsy blabbers.

“That is nae what happened,” Merlin says. “WE decided he should go back. And it was successful, but the stopper was nae on tight and a bit of the…”

“I get it,” Harry interrupts, holding up a hand. “So…I told you…ARTHUR told you not to go back. But you disobeyed orders…both of you…and Eggsy went back in. Four armed guards…”

“Only two, took them out quick enough,” Eggsy says proudly.

“ARMED guards, and then a room full of mysterious chemicals. Anything could have happened. And then you went out a window…”

“Easy as pie, Harry, believe it or not. I was able to…”

“I don’t care!” Harry all but screams. “And YOU encouraged this?”

“I have faith in the lad and his abilities, Harry…and obviously my faith is well-placed. He was able to retrieve the vial without…”

“Without WHAT? Loss of limb? Do we know this hasn’t affected anything else, such as, I don’t know…his lungs? His eyes? His heart?”

“We don’t think it will.”

“You don’t THINK it will, but you don’t know.” Harry begins to pace.

“Haz, listen…” Eggsy reaches out to him imploringly.

“Please don’t touch me. I cannot believe this.” Harry yanks at his own hair and laughs wryly. “I just realized that currently I am the ONLY person in this room who can pull their own hair. Because YOUR HAIR FELL OUT! You are bald as a bowling ball because the two of you couldn’t obey orders. You’re still young, and you occasionally are stupid enough to think you know best. But YOU…” Harry looks at Merlin. “I cannot believe you would endanger any agent in such a manner…especially Eggsy.”

“Dinnae even insinuate something like that, Harry.” Merlin glares at him. “It is not as if I sent him in without thinking about it. We talked it through and realized the risk was minimal.”

“Apparently NOT, because I’m looking at TWO bald lovers right now instead of just one!”

“It will grow back, Harry,” Eggsy says in a tiny voice. “And I’ll style it however you want, swear down.”

“I don’t care about your hair, Eggsy! What I care about is that you both disobeyed me…no. Disobeyed Arthur, for absolutely no real good reason. You didn’t save anyone’s life, you didn’t do it to kill an evil mastermind. You did it on the chance that Merlin MIGHT be able to do something with a chemical.” Harry feels the weight pile onto his shoulders again. “I’m just so…hurt.” 

“Harry,” Eggsy says, his voice thick with tears.

“Go ahead and eat. I’m not hungry. I’m going to shower and turn in for the night. I will be in the spare room.”

“Harry,” Merlin says. “Please…”

“Good night.” Harry plods from the room.

Sleep doesn’t come easily for Harry. Actually sleep doesn’t come at all. He takes a shower, grabs his dressing gown and puts on his pajamas before crawling into bed. He stares at the ugly ceiling, emotions pushing at his heart, his brain, even his stomach. He feels ill. He’s so ANGRY. Merlin knows better. He never should have endangered Eggsy’s life – any agent’s life – for something so very dangerous. This is Eggsy’s hair. It could have been his beautiful eyes, or his soft skin. The chemical could have burned him as he crawled out the window…he could have fallen to the ground and broken his gorgeous neck.

Harry finally gives up on sleep as his stomach rumbles. He slides into his slippers and dressing gown and tiptoes downstairs. He’s surprised to see the kitchen light on, and even more surprised to see Merlin seated at the table with a bowl of ice cream. “A little late for a snack,” Harry remarks as he goes to the refrigerator and pulls out his dinner.

“We couldn’t sleep.”

“We?” Harry looks around.

“Aye. He’s up in bed, didn’t wish to come down. He’s fairly upset.”

“HE’S upset?” Harry snorts, throwing his food into the microwave.

“Ye triggered him a bit, Harry…he couldn’t help but remember the last time ye tore into him because ye were furious.”

Harry swallows hard, remembering the conversation in this very house after the failed dog test. “I think this time I had even more reason to be furious, Hamish. This was NOT my fault. I’m sorry he’s hurting, but he was in the wrong. So were you.” Harry turns around. “Actually, this is more YOUR fault than his. You could have told him to stand down and leave. You should have told him.”

“Perhaps I should have,” Merlin says, surprising him. “Ye have never had a problem with me relying on ‘in the moment’ intel from an agent before.”

“This was sketchy and you know it,” Harry says. He gets a fork, napkin, and glass of water before joining Merlin at the table. “You’ve never disobeyed me like this before, Hamish…and with Eggsy, of all people.”

“I wish ye would stop hinting that I dinnae care about the lives of my agents!” Merlin all but yells. He lowers his voice. “Ye know that I would gladly put myself in their place when things get dangerous. From what Eggsy could see and what I knew of the building’s layout I figured it would nae be a problem for him to return to the lab and get out safely.”

Harry thinks for a moment. There’s truth to Merlin’s words. He knows that Merlin values the well-being of his agents above all other things. “Perhaps I shouldn’t have said what I did about endangering the knights, Hamish. For that I apologize. I just…Eggsy…”

“I understand, Harry,” Merlin says quietly. “Do ye nae think I worry about him more than all the other agents combined? Yet I have to sit there and pretend he’s just like everyone else.” He sighs. “I think deep down I knew it was nae necessary for him to go back in there, but he wanted to do it and I sometimes go overboard trying to show I DON’T favor him above all the others.” Merlin pokes at his ice cream. “I thought I could handle it…but now I know I cannot. I can no longer monitor his missions. I can plan them, but when he goes into the field Minerva will run the actual mission.”

Harry huffs. “You bastard!”

“What?”

“Of COURSE you stole my punishment! There’s no way the two of you are getting away without some sort of punitive measure…you disobeyed a direct order from Arthur. I was going to tell you that you would no longer be allowed to run Galahad’s missions.” Harry glares at him. “But of COURSE you decided that on your own.” Merlin smiles pleasantly. “Oh, fuck off.” Merlin eats a large spoon of ice cream. “I’ll just have to come up with something else. I’m sure it can’t be that hard. There are so few things that make you happy…my playing field is quite small.” Now it’s Harry’s turn to smile pleasantly.

Merlin puts down his spoon. “I am very sorry, Harry. Ye are right. I disobeyed Arthur. Deep down I was taking advantage of our relationship, something I swore I’d never do. It was disrespectful, and it was ungentlemanly. I hope ye can forgive me.”

“I will always forgive you, Hamish.” Harry takes his hand and squeezes it. “This will not be easily forgotten, but it is already forgiven.” He feels his anger slowly start to dissipate, although it has not disappeared entirely.

Merlin takes his bowl to the sink, along with Harry’s now-empty dishes. “Come to bed with me? It will make Eggsy feel better if he wakes up to find ye there. He’s on his post-mission leave, of course, and Medical asked me to stay with him to monitor things just in case.”

“I will stay home as well,” Harry announces. “Arthur deserves a day off now and then, and I really do not wish to let him out of my sight.”

“Very well,” Merlin says.

They turn everything off and go upstairs. Harry stops Merlin just outside the master bedroom and gives him a tender kiss. “I love you, Merlin. Nothing will ever change that.”

“And I love you, Harry. Ye have every right to be angry.”

“I love you just as much as I love him.” Harry feels that is very important to point out.

“Again, I am very sorry. I’m ashamed of myself,” Merlin mumbles.

“That’s a sentence I never thought I’d hear you say,” Harry says with a grin.

“Shut up.”

They open the door to find Eggsy asleep, pink lips open slightly as he quietly snores. His bare head makes him look young and innocent and Harry’s heart aches at the thought of ever losing him. He removes his dressing gown and slippers and slides into bed next to him. As soon as Merlin pulls the covers up Eggsy’s eyes flutter open. “Harry?”

“Yes, darling.”

Eggsy burrows close, tucking his head under Harry’s chin as he always does. Harry has to smile as he realizes how easily Eggsy fits there now. “M’sorry, Harry, so fucking sorry. I never meant to make you so angry, never thought about what might happen.”

“Quiet, my boy. Go to sleep…we’ll have a good long talk about this tomorrow. I’m just thankful to have you home safe and relatively unharmed.”

“Love you, Harry, so fucking much.”

“And I love you. Go to bed.” Harry presses a kiss to the smooth head.

It seems like only minutes later that Harry wakes up. He rolls to check the clock; 8:23. He rolls the other way to find Merlin gone and Eggsy sitting up watching him. He’s clad in only a pair of soft grey cotton pants and pink socks, of all things. His knees are drawn up to his face and his arms are wrapped around his legs. He still looks so very young. “Hi,” Eggsy whispers.

“Hello, Eggsy,” Harry whispers back. “Why are we whispering?”

Eggsy grins and kicks him in the shoulder a bit. “Merlin went down to make breakfast.”

“You were watching me sleep,” Harry states. Eggsy shrugs, his blush surging up past his brow to the top of his head. Harry finds it endearing against his will.

“Meant what I said, Harry.” Eggsy’s whispering again. “I love you so much, and I hate that I made you so mad. I really thought it would be fine. It was an easy in and out, and then just a hop out a window. I’ve come down from higher place than that.”

“The fact that you disobeyed direct orders from Arthur will be dealt with at HQ,” Harry says sternly.

“Yes, Harry,” Eggsy mumbles.

“And Merlin will no longer be running your missions.”

“Wot?” Eggsy gasps.

“We’ve been involved in this relationship for, what, seven months now?” Eggsy nods. “It has definitely moved past the ‘figuring out if it’s what we want’ stage. Things are serious now and Merlin can no longer be completely impartial while monitoring your missions. It isn’t fair to him to even make him TRY to be impartial. He cares for you far too much.”

“Yeah, I get it,” Eggsy mumbles. 

“Come here.” Harry holds out an arm and Eggsy clambers down to wiggle into his embrace. “If anything happened to you I couldn’t bear it. Not just because you are one of my agents and I would hate to lose everything you bring to Kingsman…but because I love you so very much and I cannot even think about my life without you in it. There was absolutely no need to be so reckless with your wonderful self, and THAT is why I got so angry. Can you understand that?”

“Yes.” Eggsy buries his face in Harry’s neck. “Hate that I disappointed you again.”

“I think everyone disappoints the people they love at one time or another,” Harry tells him. He rubs his cheek along the soft skin. “Merlin has disappointed me more times than I can count.”

“I heard that,” Merlin announces as he comes into the room with a tray. “Just for that Eggsy may eat and you can starve.”

Eggsy slowly sits up. “Do you think I’m ugly like this, Haz?”

“Yes. I find bald men absolutely nauseating,” Harry says with a straight face. “Dearest, I will always think you’re the most handsome young man in any room.” He looks at Merlin. “And you are the handsomest senior citizen in any room.”

“No breakfast,” Merlin repeats, placing the tray over Eggsy’s lap.

“Though I don’t know if I wish to be seen in public with you as you are now,” Harry tells Eggsy. Eggsy looks horrified. “You already make me feel ancient, and you look ten years younger like this.”

“I like it,” Merlin says. “It brings out the wrinkles around your eyes, Harry, and the slivers of grey in your hair.”

“I haven’t told you your punishment yet,” Harry reminds him, and Merlin shuts up.

“You both willfully disobeyed a direct order from Arthur.” Harry looks from Eggsy to Merlin and back again as they stand in front of his desk.

“Yes, sir,” Eggsy says, and Merlin nods.

“Your punishment will be recorded and reviewed by the other knights at the Table. If they feel it is too harsh, I will think it over and come up with something else.”

“Izzat necessary, sir?” Eggsy asks. “I’ll take whatever you give me. Know I deserve it.”

“You will be off active duty for a fortnight,” Harry tells him. “Unless there is a dire emergency. DIRE emergency,” he repeats, glaring at Merlin. “You will be stationed in the shop and basically be at Andrew’s beck and call. If he wants you washing windows all day every day for a fortnight, you’ll do it.”

“Yes, Arthur.”

“And you.” Harry turn to Merlin. “Recently you lobbied quite violently for new equipment in the lab.”

“Yes, Arthur.” Merlin’s eyes widen and Harry grins. The request for that equipment had monopolized Merlin’s life for weeks.

“The delivery of that equipment will be delayed until the beginning of next month.”

“But it will help me do my job so much more efficiently.”

“So you’re saying you can’t do your job without it?”

“I can ALWAYS do my job,” Merlin snaps. “Fine.”

“Good.” Harry smiles pleasantly. “We are in agreement, then.”

Merlin taps the side of this glasses. “I cannae believe ye are refusing my request, Harry.”

“I’m not refusing it. I’m delaying it. Maybe now you will stop going behind my back.” Harry comes around the desk and kisses the top of Eggsy’s head. “Because as Arthur…”

“if ye even try to say as Arthur ye always know best, I will vomit into your rubbish bin,” Merlin informs him.

“Ugh, babe, that’s rank.” Eggsy wrinkles his nose, which causes his forehead to wrinkle as well.

NO. Harry absolutely will not think Eggsy’s more adorable without hair. He will not admit that. “I do believe you have a mission report to file, Galahad.”

“Yes, Arthur.” Eggsy looks up at him. “Permission to kiss my boss?”

“Permission granted,” Harry says. After a very thorough kiss, he adds, “Don’t think you will get off so easily next time.”

“I know,” Eggsy promises. “See you two later.” He presses a kiss to Merlin’s cheek and bounces out of the room.

Harry looks at Merlin. “It won’t happen again, Harry,” he says quietly.

“Good.”

“I may not say it as often as the lad does, but I love ye as well. I’m quite thankful that ye have forgiven me.” Merlin puts his arms around Harry.

“Do not think that literally kissing up to me is going to work. I have a will of steel.”

“And an arse of cotton.” Merlin pinches it and literally runs out of the room before Harry can reply.


End file.
